jade_lil: (ohmiya)
My baby Satoshi would have been 7 years old and I still ache for the loss of him. Still grieving. Still aching. Still missing him.

Poof

Feb. 6th, 2017 10:12 pm
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
I'm still alive (barely), buried under piles of paperworks and shit, but I have already submitted my non-renewal letter so there's that. I'm officially unemployed by the end of this month, go me.

But even then I feel, um, relieved? They've hired someone else to replace me and I'm going to turn over everything until I go. I just. I want to feel bad for her but there's nothing I could do about this.

Things aren't going well so far but it's okay. I'm used to it.

Just writing to let you know I'm still breathing. And hopefully it will stay that way for as long as I could endure it.

Wish me luck.
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
I'm not enjoying my vacation as much as I hoped I would but I guess that's just how it is. I caught a cold (started from sore throat the day before) and now I'm kinda suffering. I would be staying with [livejournal.com profile] pupilurker till... well, I'm not sure until when but, yeah. Things got messy and I'm not gonna go into the details. Just. No.

Baguio is a wonderful haven. Especially because I'm staying with a wonderful host. Mom is leaving tonight and I'm going with [livejournal.com profile] pupilurker's family home, probably tomorrow. Meeting with fellow fangirls staying in Manila will have to be scheduled next week.

I miss writing. I miss Arashi. I miss staying in one place and thinking. But I don't miss the horrible life I'm sure gonna come back to in a couple of weeks.

Shout out to my lovely, Sharon [livejournal.com profile] daisukidesu3, hang in there love. I miss you.

Anyway, Happy new year to you all. Talk soon.
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
Got here safe and sound, you guys. I'm staying with [livejournal.com profile] jhing_tearjerky now and my brother till tomorrow. Then I go home (or more like, sneak) to my parents' tomorrow night.

Hope you guys have a blast. I miss you already. Mwah mwah.
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
And I am down from 50 days to 5 days. Time flies even when you're not having fun, apparently :DDDDD

This is possibly the last post for me, but I will try to update you, my lovely friends who care so much about me, omg, I love you guy so much *hugs hugs* once I bribed [livejournal.com profile] jhing_tearjerky for her WIFI password. It'll come with a price but it's okay :D

Also, HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEARING WITH ME THIS PAST YEAR. YOU ARE ALL WONDERFUL, I SWEAR. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH. TAKE CARE!

love,

Jadey
jade_lil: (ohmiyakiss)
So, update.

Read more... )
jade_lil: (ohmiya)



Im done with life 😭😭😭
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
Sorry I don't have anything witty to say.

But my legs are hurting and I haven't had enough sleep for a few days now. I think my allergy is coming back and I want to strangle my roommate everytime her phone would ring which is every five minutes.

And I watched the first episode of Teen Wolf last night and I loved it and hated it. GODDAMN WHY STILES, WHY?

36 more days before my very much awaited vacation and I'm stressing over the day I will go back to this blasted place. So not cool.

Oh, and writing...

It will still happen even though I'm mostly frustrated about everything I've managed these past few days. Work is stressful and writing is supposed to be my de-stress tool but I'm too busy and I hate it. Sometimes I just want to disappear, but I can't. It's difficult. You hear some things, bad things and you want to unhear them but you can't. I have a lot in my mind and I don't know what to do with them. I hate not being able to know where I'm going, where I'll end up, what I'll be in a few years. I hate that I dont know what I want.

Sorry this post became so melodramatic.

Anway, Ohmiya should be enough to calm me down. I hope.

Talk later.
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
I know I always complain about how my workplace sucks and my co-workers are bunch of idiots but today, there's none of that. This morning, I came to work as usual and one of our drivers came to greet me and gave me the money he owed me. Ten minutes later, he suffered a heart attack.

Not even half an hour later (after they took him to the nearest hospital), he died.

I came to know that this person lost his wife two years prior, and that he still has 3 children (ages 15, 12 and 9) whom he needs to take care of. Now that he's gone, we wonder how his kids are going to make it through.

I swear I couldn't help but think that nothing really is permanent. One moment you're alive, and the next, you're not. I just hope he's okay now, wherever he is. And that he won't have to suffer anymore.

Thank you for the short one and a half years, Naser Sir. Rest in peace.
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
TRUMP is now the 45th President of the United States.

DONALD TRUMP IS PRESIDENT.

(Thank you for crushing my dreams into dust.)

/cries ugly tears
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
Update.

So life is pretty much the same. I still have the same urge to kill my co-workers every damn day and the only thing stopping me are the wonderful people distracting me in FB. Right this very minute, I am feeling that urge again. BECAUSE THESE STUPID PEOPLE DECIDED IT IS WONDERFUL TO PAINT THE OFFICE WALLS AT THIS TIME WHEN THEY COULD HAVE DONE IT A FEW HOURS BEFORE WE LEAVE. NOW I'M GOING TO SUFFER THE WHOLE DAY WHEEZING BECAUSE OF THIS FUCKING CHEMICAL SMELL, UGH.

Anyway, 50 days to go and I'll be going home. After that, two more months here and then freedom. I HOPE. I REALLY HOPE FOR IT. IF IT DOESN'T HAPPEN, WELL I GUESS THERE'S NOTHING I CAN DO BUT TRY HARDER. IT'S NOT LIKE I CAN JUST GIVE UP, RIGHT?

Wish me luck?
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
03 Sept 2016
Dubai, UAE

Dear Ma,

Di ko alam pano ko to sisimulan, pano ko sasabihin ng di ka mag iisip ng iba o masasaktan. Pero alam mo kasi, ano eh, pagod na pagod na ko. Ang hirap mabuhay ng malayo sa inyo, mahirap din naman na umuwi dyan pero gutom naman tayo pare pareho. Sampung taon na mama eh. Sampung taon na kong nagtitiis sa malayong lugar na to para sa inyo, para sa atin at ang hirap na talaga. Madami nagtatanong sakin kung kelan pa ako dito at pag nalaman nilang ganun na katagal ang sagot sakin, "Ay siguro mayaman ka na. Siguro madami ka ng ipon."

Minsan ang sagot ko, "Kung mayaman na ba ako o maraming ipon, sa tingin nyo bakit andito pa ko?" pero minsan di na lang ako nakibo. Kasi minsan ang sakit sa dibdib eh. Minsan masakit man isipin, nagtitiis ako dito, nagtitiyaga sa lugar na inaapi pang madalas kasi dahil sa inyo. Kasi pag umuwi ako, pano  na kayo? Sino magbibigay ng pambili nyo ng pagkain, ng pambayad sa mga bayarin, ng pambili ng gamot ni papa, ni Marlon, pambili ng gatas ng apo nyo, ng  baon nya? Sino? Wala naman di ba? Kasi ako lang ang pwede. Kasi ako lang ang inaasahan.

Alam mo ba mama na ang sama sama ng loob ko nung sinabi ni Erwin na uuwi na siya? Kasi mama wala pang kasiguraduhan yung hangad nya na makapag trabaho sa Korea. Eh dito may trabaho naman siya. O di ba nga, ngaun nalaman nya na malamang sa isang taon pa siya makapag exam? Ngayon pati siya iniintindi ko pa. Hindi naman na dapat di ba?

Pero di naman ako nakibo. Sabi ko nga hayaan ko na lang. Sabi ko baka napagod na din kasi siya sa trabaho nya. Sabi ko nalang baka di na talaga kaya. Kaya lang naisip kaya nya ako? Kahit minsan? Na baka si ate pagod na din. Baka di nya na kaya pang momolestya ng amo nya pero nagtitiis kasi wala kaming kakainin. Naisip kaya niya? Ni Marlon? Kayo ni Papa?

Ngayon iniisip ko ung pag uwi ko. Una, syempre gusto ko kayo makita, makasama. Pero patago di ba? Kasi di ako pwedeng umuwi satin. Iniisip ko nga minsan, hanggang ngayon kaya kinakahiya pa ko ni papa? Kahit di naman napatunayan yung kaso kinahiya pa rin ako. Daig ko pa ung nabuntis ng walang asawa, heh. Ang panget lang.

Buti nalang may mga taong mababait na walang dalawang salita na tinanggap ako sa buhay nila, sa tahanan nila. Pano nalang kung wala? Ang saklap talaga.

Nung isang araw kausap ko si Erwin, nagpasalamat siya sa pinadala ko. Tinanong kung okay lang ako, kung kumain na, baka naman nagpadala eh wala ng natira sakin. Di ko lang masabi, inutang ko lang yan muna. Kasi wala pang sweldo. Baka sa linggo pa. Di ko masabi na sa tagal ko dito, ngayon ko lang dinanas magbaon ng sardinas sa lata kesa bumili ng pagkain. Na tinitiis ko nalang mautusan magluto kahit pagod na para libre na ang pagkain. Di ko masabi eh. Di ko alam kung mahihiya ako o magagalit. Kaya di ko nalang sinabi.

Nag message ka kanina. Sabi mo tawagan naman kita kasi namimiss mo na boses ko. Oo nga. Ako din naman. Miss na miss ko na ang boses mo. Miss na miss na kita. Kaso baka pag tumawag ako malaman mo na hindi ako maayos. Baka umiyak na naman ako. Baka mabisto mo pa ko. Ayoko nun. Kaya saka nalang ako tatawag. Pag medyo okay na ko, ha?

Mag ingat kayo diyan. Ikaw wag ka masyado nagpapagod. Wag ka masyado pakunsumi sa mga anak mo, kay papa. Yaan mo na sila. Matatanda na yang mga yan. Wag mo na intindihin. Malapit na nga pala ang birthday mo. Pag may extra ako na pera, padalan kita ng pang inasal mo. Treat mo sarili mo ha. Ikaw lang. Tapos inggitin mo sila paguwi mo. Para masaya.

Ilang buwan nalang naman magkikita na tayo. Sana pag dumating yung araw na un, hindi na ganito ang pakiramdam ko. Gusto ko haharap ako sayo na masaya. Yung hindi nagdadrama. Kahit walang pera, hehe.

Sige na. Sinisipon na ko dito sa pag iyak. Baka mahuli pa ko ng amo ko sigawan pa ko. Mag iingat nalang kayo diyan.

I love you. I miss you.

Love,

Nie.
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
Everything is on hold until I finish my assignment which is due on.... 27, yeah, 5 days to go, I'm so screwed. But hey, it's okay. I'm sure it will be.

Also, went to the hospital last week, seemed like my blood pressure is fucked so now I am taking maintenance medicine. But my lab results turned out fine so the doctor is saying that this damn thing is work related. Stress. Why am I not surprised? So yes. I started having this headache a few weeks back when my boss started taunting me again. Three days before my blood pressure almost killed me, he tried touching my boobs. So this is my life.

Work contract will finish on February. And I go home for a vacation on December. I told myself I'll just stick with this until then so I won't have any more trouble than what I already have. It's going to be hell looking for another job when I come back and not renew my contract here but it's that or kill myself over this stupid no nonsense work.

I wish I could just go and fly to another country. Not the Philippines because it sucks there. Especially since I can no longer look for a job because of my age. Or marry someone who will let me write to my heart's content and will feed me. LOLS

well, I guess that's about it for now. Gonna go back to hiding while waiting for the Japonism leaks to come.

Ciao.
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
I wonder how people are able to sleep properly at night when during the day, they do horrindous things to other people like they're nothing.

We are human beings too. And just because you own the company and you are paying us gives you the right to treat us like dirt.
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
This is an RL post, sorry.

just need to let this out. )

 

Oh, life.

Jan. 21st, 2016 10:55 pm
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
First off, this is a personal post. Feel free to scroll down. I just. I need to let this out.

No, don't read. )
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
This week has been hell and I don't know how else to say it. Yesterday, I came home late because the train stopped running due to a fire. We've been rerouted so many times I don't even remember how I managed to get on another train, then two more buses after the two buses I already ridden after the train incident. Not to mention the almost twenty minutes walk from the station we went down on after the train stopped.

Then today, work had been an ultimate bitch and then when all I wanted was to get home fast and curl on my bed, THERE WAS TRAFFIC. AND IT WAS HORRIBLE. I came home pretty much half hour earlier than yesterday and it was still horrible.

I'm just so tired so I'm gonna sleep this off.
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
...because this migraine has been a great pain in the ass for the past few days. I can't freaking write and it's honestly frustrating.

Let me borrow your heads? :D

In other news, Japonism goods photos are out and man, 
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
STUPID FUCKING PEOPLE SHOULD JUST GO AND DIG THEMSELVES A HOLE AND STAY THERE FOR THE REST OF THEIR FUCKING LIFE, HOWEVER SHORT THAT IS. FUCKING STUPID. GOD.
jade_lil: (ohmiya)
First off, THANKS A WHOLE BUNCH for all the birthday greetings I received as early as yesterday, here and on FB and on Twitter :D I did spent most of the day outside (almost 7 hours at work, around 3 hours in the mall, just sitting there and reading [livejournal.com profile] astrangerenters' fic, another 3 hours in the salon) and I just got home, in bed, staring at the laptop and crying. Yeah, well, it's one of those days, I guess? XD This is the  9th year I spent my bday alone, away from my family despite the fact that my brother is technically living with me. Anyway, that's how my  birthday went.

At least I'm glad I didn't spend the day sulking in my bed ([livejournal.com profile] jhing_tearjerky, I followed your advice, man, thanks :D) but in the end, it didn't make the loneliness go away. Ah, I'm being sentimental again, sorry about that.

So I better watch something. Like 'Arashi-related dorkiness something' to chase this loneliness away.

Thanks again, guys, for the greetings. I do appreciate it <3

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